Do you ever say or do something and then can't stop cringing about it for days and weeks after? And if you're super unlucky, you do a whole string of embarrassing things in a short period of time. Then you just want to sink into the floor so that you never have to interact with another human being again?
I feel like the most awkward person in the world right now. I've done and said so many things lately that have been taken the wrong way by folk. Or I've said unnecessary things. And you replay the cringe moment over and over again in your mind like you your own mini internal torture chamber.
Even in my DREAMS I'm awkward. I dreamed the other day per chance I found out where Jenna Marbles lived (it was in a train station in the dream but lets just forget that). I just invited myself into her house and we were hanging out with the dogs and I was having a great time.
Then from the other room her boyfriend Julian was taping me for his vlog secretly around the corner of the door saying "See, this is so inappropriate. She just TURNED UP. We can't get rid of her. Fans are going too far, they can't just EXPECT us to host them whenever. Its so inconsiderate and RUDE. So I'm filming this as an example as to how NOT to act around us" And that Jenna was just humouring me and she couldn't wait for me to leave.
I woke up and I was so mortified and guilty that dream me, had imposed on poor Jenna Marbles that I couldn't get to sleep at 5am.
Ahaha, so awkward.
I'm going to go flail away now.
Maybe you can take comfort in the fact you may continue to be socially awkward well into when you're 1/4 of a century old, like me.